k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Randomize
