I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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