spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i think my cat just said my name.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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