New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
