I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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