when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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