god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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