I could make wine with my vomit
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
