tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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