you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
