Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
