I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I cannot find my penis.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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