he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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