i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
