I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Panties = found
Randomize
