i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
