He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
