What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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