hotel room ftw
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
