hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was confusing and full of hummus
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
