i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sorry about my life...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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