You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
