he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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