I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
