yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
