bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
