Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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