There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
