I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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