Sry I called you an 8
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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