how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we're making bets on your personal life
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
