worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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