Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize