I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
