dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
