Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
