Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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