Don't you send me to vm
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
