So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
