I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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