can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
