we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
