Can Purell be used as lube?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
