I cockslap morals
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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