either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
