She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
