Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
