Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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