When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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