that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
