your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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