You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
