jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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