I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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