you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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