I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
