Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
