i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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