New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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