I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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