Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
