In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
