party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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