I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
