Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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