Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
