Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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