If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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