sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
