Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Found your dick twin last night
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
