redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
