No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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