i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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