And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
