Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
